Parts of this conversation were inspired by some of the comments I overheard at Bishop Waldo's "Preparation for the General Convention" held yesterday.
Jean: Hello. Welcome to coffee hour. My name is Jean.
Mr. Spock: Spock here.
Jean: Are you new?
Spock: I am actually quite old.
Jean: I meant, is this your first visit to our Episcopal church?
Spock: This is my first visit to your world.
Jean: Well, I hope you enjoyed the service.
Spock: Joy is an emotion that interferes with logical thought. I am here to study your religion.
Jean: So, you want to know more about our church?
Spock: That is correct.
Jean: Well... for one thing, we are an inclusive church.
Spock: Explain the term "inclusive church".
Jean: It means that everyone is welcome regardless of race, sexual orientation, or gender identity.
Spock: Looking around the room, it would appear that not all races have accepted your welcome.
Jean: Oh, well people do tend to stick to their own kind, but they are welcome to come to our church anyway. We try to engage diversity.
Spock: I could not determine the diversity of all those discriminatory characteristics to which you alluded. Please explain the term "gender identity."
Jean: Well.. . Er... um... you know... male or female, transgender, or some other combination that you have decided is your gender.
Spock: On Vulcan, gender is determined by the combination of phenotype and genotype. Tell me about this other thing you call sexual orientation.
Jean: I think that refers to the object of one's sexual attraction. We are either heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.
Spock: On Vulcan, males mate with females, and females mate with males. Anything else is illogical.
Jean: The Episcopal church is more welcoming than your logic.
Spock: We shall see about that.
Jean: We believe that Hooker's three legged stool of scripture, tradition, and reason leads us to welcome and to bless any committed, loving, monogamous relationship.
Spock: I have studied your scriptures, your traditions, and your reasoning, and I have concluded that you do not have a single leg to stand on.
Jean: You are from a different planet aren't you?
Spock: How did you arrive at that conclusion?
Jean: I think it was the ears.
Spock: Does your church not welcome those of us with Vulcan ears?
Jean: No, that is not it. We just don't welcome close minded people with Vulcan ears who do not agree with us.
Spock: Thank you for all of the data that I needed to complete my study of your church.
Jean: You're welcome. Would you like some coffee?
Spock: If I had feelings, I would say that I do not feel all that welcome, but I do feel like a cup of coffee.
Jean: I really would like to know more about how you felt about today's gathering.
Spock: (With a sigh) Humans...