Sunday, April 22, 2012

Spock Comes To Coffee Hour

In honor of Earth Day 2012, I thought about how our religion might appear to someone visiting Earth for the first time. The following dialog might have been used to create a cartoon scenario if I weren't too cheap to pay for the upgrade to my cartoon maker account.

Parts of this conversation were inspired by some of the comments I overheard at Bishop Waldo's "Preparation for the General Convention" held yesterday.

Jean: Hello. Welcome to coffee hour. My name is Jean.

Mr. Spock: Spock here.

Jean: Are you new?

Spock: I am actually quite old.

Jean: I meant, is this your first visit to our Episcopal church?

Spock: This is my first visit to your world.

Jean: Well, I hope you enjoyed the service.

Spock: Joy is an emotion that interferes with logical thought. I am here to study your religion.

Jean: So, you want to know more about our church?

Spock: That is correct.

Jean: Well... for one thing, we are an inclusive church.

Spock: Explain the term "inclusive church".

Jean: It means that everyone is welcome regardless of race, sexual orientation, or gender identity.

Spock: Looking around the room, it would appear that not all races have accepted your welcome.

Jean: Oh, well people do tend to stick to their own kind, but they are welcome to come to our church anyway. We try to engage diversity.

Spock: I could not determine the diversity of all those discriminatory characteristics to which you alluded. Please explain the term "gender identity."

Jean: Well.. . Er... um... you know... male or female, transgender, or some other combination that you have decided is your gender.

Spock: On Vulcan, gender is determined by the combination of phenotype and genotype. Tell me about this other thing you call sexual orientation.

Jean: I think that refers to the object of one's sexual attraction. We are either heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.

Spock: On Vulcan, males mate with females, and females mate with males. Anything else is illogical.

Jean: The Episcopal church is more welcoming than your logic.

Spock: We shall see about that.

Jean: We believe that Hooker's three legged stool of scripture,  tradition, and reason leads us to welcome and to bless any committed, loving, monogamous relationship.

Spock: I have studied your scriptures, your traditions, and your reasoning, and I have concluded that you do not have a single leg to stand on.

Jean: You are from a different planet aren't you?

Spock: How did you arrive at that conclusion?

Jean: I think it was the ears.

Spock: Does your church not welcome those of us with Vulcan ears?

Jean: No, that is not it. We just don't welcome close minded people with Vulcan ears who do not agree with us.

Spock: Thank you for all of the data that I needed to complete my study of your church.

Jean: You're welcome. Would you like some coffee?

Spock: If I had feelings, I would say that I do not feel all that welcome, but I do feel like a cup of coffee.

Jean: I really would like to know more about how you felt about today's gathering.

Spock: (With a sigh) Humans...


  1. As someone, Thomas Sowell I think, once said: "Any proposition is true, if I'm free to redefine the terms." Thus, is it so, when one attempts to rely on Scripture, Tradition and Reason to allow blessing relationships other than marriage between one man and one woman.

  2. Randall,

    How true.

    Guess what is next on the Episcopal radar? A resolution is being put forward to our General Convention in July to authorize $30,000 to study just what we mean by the word "marriage."

  3. Priceless... And a Vulcan shall lead them.

  4. Anonymous7:32 PM

    What does Spock think of Christians who divorce?

  5. Spock: Explain the term, "divorce."