Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Beware the Episconinjas: A Covert Agency of Christ-like Ninja

Thanks to this video, I finally figured out how the spiritual circumcision that St. Paul writes about in  Sunday's Epistle reading really takes place.

"For in him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have come to fullness in him, who is the head of every ruler and authority. In him also you were circumcised with a spiritual circumcision..." Colossians 2:9-11 
Confused? Read on.

This video is from 2009, and Celtic Anglican brought it to my attention only recently. I decided to type up the text for those who don't care to watch the whole thing.

The Episcopal Church

Who are we?

First and foremost we are a covert agency of Christ-like ninja.

We dwell in the shadows while you sleep and work amongst you in the day.

We are all around, secretly packing meals on Thanksgiving while the rest of the nation gorges themselves on turkey and football we sneak around our neighborhoods placing meals for the ones who cannot prepare their own.

We adhere to a code called the Nicene Creed, this creed has magical properties and allows us to do ninja like things.

Like dodge one sided arguments aimed to annoy and anger.

We take our cues from our supreme leader Jesus Christ.

Who is in fact God disguised as a ninja to train us in the arts of Compassion, Forgiveness, and Love.

Compassion, Forgiveness, and Love are aspects that we Episcopalians strive to achieve.

We are also Christ's 911 force in readiness we can be anywhere in the world at a moments notice...

...and will answer the call of one in distress in the matter of minutes.

We have invaded the work force, we are Doctors, Lawyers, Politicians, Photographers, Nurses, Carpenters, Soldiers and yes we use our ninja training to effect the work force community.

We are mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters bonded by a common mission... love and serve Christ through our actions of public out reach and community support.

We strive to love the unloved, to bring in the outcast and pray for the ones who think they are forgotten.

You won't see us because we do not need to be seen, this is not the way of Episconinjas

...instead you will see us standing in song, and kneeling in prayer in our places of worship.

We are open to all in the world, if you want a description of an Episcopalian:

We are black, white, brown, yellow, red, sometimes green,

American, African, Haitian, European, Asian,, women, addicts, wictims, pushers, rich, poor, sick, healthy.

These all make up the face of one Episcopalian Super Christ ninja.

We attack evil and indifference with justice and love, not swords or guns.

We use critical thinking and reasoning to solve problems...

...and as Episcopalians we help support other denominations and see them as brothers and sisters in our faith.

We are the Episcopal Church.

We welcome you to join us for worship.

Credits: Edited by a team of Episconinjas no dogmas were injured in the creation of this video (though one vicar was wearied)
Embarrassing to say the least. 

The Nicene Creed has magical properties? (This is what you get when making talismen is part of your Faith Formation budget.)

Jesus Christ is in fact God disguised as a ninja? (That sounds like a modern version of an ancient heresy.)

We are black, white, brown, yellow, red, sometimes green? (Have you looked around at your typical Episcopal congregation lately? Green? Kermit the Frog is an Episcopalian? )

We use critical thinking and reasoning to solve problems? (We certainly don't use the Bible as a guide.)

I don't know if this was created by the youth group, but it certainly has that look to it. That would also be consistent with the depth of Christian education that takes place in most Episcopal churches. I only wish they would have used a bit more critical thinking, reasoning, grammar checking, and maybe some Bible study before publishing the video.

So how does that spiritual circumcision take place?

Jesus the Ninja is the rabbi in charge of the process (I apologize for the graphic images this thought might generate in your mind)!


  1. glad to have found you!!

  2. Anonymous9:57 AM

    Oh brother, please give it a break. This is a funny video and most of the problem with us Anglicans/Episcopalians is that we get far to serious about absolutely everything. I like it!

    1. I take seriously what is being taught to the next generation of Anglicans/Episcopalians.