Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The New 39 Articles Part 3: Articles XXVIII-XXXIX

This is part three of a document retrieved by our venerable time travelling Deep Pew. For part one click here to travel back in time to 04/01/2015, and for part two click here to arrive at 04/08/2015.

"As established by the Bishops, the Clergy, and the Laity of the Protestant Episcopal Church in the United States of America, in Convention, on the first day of July, in the Year 2050.

XXVIII. Of the Common Meal.
Sharing of the Common Meal is not only a sign of the love that Christians ought to have among themselves one to another, but rather it is a metaphor of our relationship with the Holy Trinogamy.

Transubstantiation (or the change of the substance of Bread and Wine) in the Common Meal, cannot be proved by Holy Writ; but is repugnant to the plain words of Scripture, overthroweth the nature of a Sacrament, and hath given occasion to many unreasonable phobias and disorders of digestion.

XXIX. Of whom, which may eat not the Common Meal.
There be none to whom the Common Meal may be denied except for those who have been deposed from this Church according to Article XXVI as well as any of their supporters and those who have been excommunicated according to Article XXXIII.

XXX. Of both Kinds.
The Cup is not to be denied to Lay-people, infants, or the unbaptized, but in no way is it to be forced upon those who are germophobic.

XXXI. Of the one Oblation finished upon the Cross.
The death of the Christ upon the cross was once considered for all the sins of the whole world, but with a new awareness that what was once considered sin is not necessarily considered sin today, all other condemnations of the behaviors of people are blasphemous fables, and dangerous deceits, so that the concept of an oblation may also be a dangerous deceit.

XXXII. Of the Marriage of Priests.
Bishops, Priests, and Deacons, are not commanded by the Creator/Om/Allah's suggestions, either to vow the estate of single life, or to abstain from marriage: therefore it is lawful for them, as for all other persons, to marry at their own discretion to whomever they love as often as is felt desired. It is also considered lawful for them to live in relationship without the requirement of marriage.

XXXIII. Of excommunicate Persons, how they are to be avoided except when seen in court.
Excommunication, ought to be reserved for those lay persons who refuse to submit to the authority of the General Convention, the Office of the Presiding Bishop, and all of its subordinate committees. It may be unavoidable and thus forgivable (provided Article XXXIX is kept in mind) to come into contact with such as these when called by civil authorities to meet together in a civil court.

XXXIV. Of the Traditions of the Church.
It is not necessary that Traditions and Ceremonies be in all places one, or utterly like; for at all times they have been divers, and may be changed according to the diversity of countries, times, and  manners and may be approved as practiced with a single wink and nudge.

Every particular or national Church hath authority to ordain, change, and abolish Ceremonies or Rites of the Church, so long as all those things are done towards the advancement of social justice.

XXXV. Of the Homilies.
The Second Book of Homilies, doth contain a number of historical Doctrines that were necessary for those times of Edward the Sixth, and may no longer be applicable; therefore we judge them to be mentioned for historical purposes only.

Of the Names of the Homilies.

1 Of the right Use of the Church.
2 Against Peril of Idolatry.
3 Of repairing and keeping clean of Churches.
4 Of good Works: first of Fasting.
5 Against Gluttony and Drunkenness.
6 Against Excess of Apparel.
7 Of Prayer.
8 Of the Place and Time of Prayer.
9 That Common Prayers and Sacraments ought to be ministered in a known tongue.
10 Of the reverend Estimation of God's Word.
11 Of Alms-doing.
12 Of the Nativity of Christ.
13 Of the Passion of Christ.
14 Of the Resurrection of Christ.
15 Of the worthy receiving of the Sacrament of the Body and Blood of Christ.
16 Of the Gifts of the Holy Ghost.
17 For the Rogation-days.
18 Of the State of Matrimony.
19 Of Repentance.
20 Against Idleness.
21 Against Rebellion.

The Third Book of Homilies as found in the Church Publishing Catalog of 2048 is considered a standard reference on these and many other subjects and contains,

1 Of the Multipurpose Uses of the Church.
2 On Modern Idolatry: Capitalism, Republicans, Libertarians, etc.
3 Of raising money for the maintenance of the structures of the Church.
4 Of good Works: First of Protesting.
5 Against Gluttony and Carbon Emissions.
6 Against Underdressing.
7 Of Meditation.
8 Of the Body Positions for Meditation.
9 That Common Prayers and Sacraments ought to be ministered in a known tongue.
10 Of the re-estimation of the Creator/Om/Allah's Word.
11 Of Church Offerings.
12 Of the limited birth stories of Christ.
13 Of the laughter of Christ.
14 Of the metaphorical Resurrection of Christ.
15 Of all receiving of the Sacrament of the Common Meal.
16 Of the Gifts of the Relational Spirit.
17 For the Pride Days.
18 Of the Various States of Matrimony.
19 Of Reconciliation.
20 Against Bloggers.
21 Against Rejection of the General Convention and Presiding Bishop of this Church.

XXXVI. Of Consecration of Bishops and Ministers.
The Book of Consecration of Bishops, and Ordering of Priests and Deacons, as set forth by the General Convention of this Church in 2048, doth contain all things necessary to such Consecration and Ordering; neither hath it any thing that, of itself, is absolutely necessary.

XXXVII. Of the Power of the Civil Magistrates.
The Power of the Civil Magistrate extendeth to all persons but does not extend to disputes of property within the Church, and hath no authority in other such things purely spiritual. And we hold it to be the duty of all who are professors of the Gospel, to pay respectful obedience to the Civil Authority only when such authority agrees with us.

The Bishop of Rome hath no jurisdiction except when he agrees to advance the Gospel as accepted and interpreted by this Church.

The Laws of the Realm may never punish people with death, even for heinous and grievous offences.

It is unlawful for Episcopalians to wear weapons, and serve in the wars.

XXXVIII. Of an Episcopalian's Goods, which are common to the Church.
The Riches and Goods of  Episcopalians are common to the Church, as touching the right, title, and possession of the same.

XXXIX. Of a Christian Person's Oath.
We find that the oath one repeats in court may not be binding in all times and in all places, and that it behooves members of this Church to exercise judgement in the keeping of their oath so that Church property may be protected and kept as a legacy for future generations.

We also judge, that Christian Religion doth not prohibit some other oaths, so that anyone may swear mightily at times of outrage at social injustices and/or microaggressions."


Having reviewed this document recovered from the future, I wonder if anything can be done to alter the course of history and to avoid such a radical downfall of the Episcopal church. I suppose that if these pages suddenly disappear from your screen, then maybe Deep Pew has figured something out and used his time machine for the good of humanity instead of for the good of his health and looks.

Or maybe these pages disappeared because you did something to put us on a different timeline.


  1. 1. Deep Pewster missed the 22nd homily. "On the necessity of building and maintaining a Labyrinth Walk."
    2."Every particular or national Church hath authority to ordain, change, and abolish Ceremonies or Rites of the Church, so long as all those things are done towards the advancement of social justice." A perversion of locally adapted.

    1. Dale, They must have developed a labyrinth app by then so that nobody has to actually walk it.

  2. You're right Pewster. How about a confessional app?

    1. With nothing to confess Dale, there will probably not be a need for one.

  3. Anonymous5:05 PM

    I am working on a reasserter statement of faith that I think you might enjoy and be interested in.. fm at

  4. I'm looking at XXXII and thinking, "Justice delayed is justice denied!" I hope that my suffering and oppression will be remembered by the church of 2050... "Poor Fountain, he missed out on all the fun."

  5. Can Deep Pew bring me back a copy of that 3rd Book of Homilies? #s 20 & 21 are most appealing.

    1. I bet the homily "Against Bloggers" mentions you by name Tim along with others such as the meanest blogger ever.