Love Redux

I was reading an article by J.I. Packer on Mother Teresa's long walk of "Holiness in the Dark" published by the C.S. Lewis Society in the Spring 2009 issue of "Knowing and Doing." I quote from him here,

"There is a problem in the life of holiness
that for many does not arise at
all, for some emerges intermittently,
but for a certain number—more, I suspect,
than ever acknowledge it in any public
way—is virtually lifelong. It is the problem
of felt abandonment by God, the Father, the
Son, and the Holy Spirit, within the frame
of full commitment to God: in other words,
the desolation and seeming desertion of the
deeply devoted."

After an initial twenty years where Mother Teresa felt united with the Lord, there followed a period of fifty years during which she was separated from Him. It was as if the Love of her life had walked out on her. Her letters to her spiritual advisors reflect the struggles of someone who feels that something or someone is missing. She did not want anyone other than her counselors to read these letters, and she had requested that they be destroyed. They are that personal. It is rare to have such a glimpse into the heart of a Saint. Now read her words,

“They say people in hell suffer eternal pain because of the loss of God.
In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss—of God not wanting me—of God not really existing (Jesus, please forgive my blasphemies—I have been told to write everything)…
not a single thought of heaven enters my mind—for there is no hope”

I do not think she felt that she had left Him, rather that for some reason He had gone.

Have you ever had your heart broken?

The love that you thought you had together is abruptly removed. “Come over, we have to talk." "It would be best if we not see each other." "Don't call, don't write, it just is not going to work out, ever." "I don't think this relationship will work." "I am doing this for your own good." "I know that I am hurting you, but you'll get over me.” Door closed.

You don't get over them. You cry. You mourn. Another day dawns, followed by another and another. Life goes on. Years pass, but you know you would take them back in a heartbeat if they ever knocked at your door. She must have loved God this much. The pain of her loss must have been great. Their reunion must have been glorious. That glory resounded in the world in the love expressed by people after her passing.

Kinda makes me think about

• We'll Meet Again by Vera Lynn

God loves me this much and more. He takes me back every time I knock, even when I've hurt him dearly.

Some say that God closed the door on Mother Teresa so that she would look for him in the faces of the poor. When one door closes, another one opens. She cared for them as she cared for Christ.

Back to J.I. Packer

"Was her experience then disciplinary in a biblical sense, that is, planned by God to enhance the quality of her discipleship? Kolodiejchuk seems right to urge that it was.
There are two possibilities here, maybe overlapping (it is not for us to be dogmatic on this point). The divine discipline might be devotional, aimed at deepening the relationship between God’s servant and the triune Lord, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. And it might be diaconal, aimed at qualifying the disciple more fully for particular works of ministry to others. The interpretation of Teresa’s experience as devotional discipline seems dubious. What Teresa underwent was certainly not the transitional dark night of the soul as John of the Cross described it, a condition paving the way to deeper union with God, whatever correspondences there may be between the quality of the two experiences as such. For her experience followed a deep-level, years-long enjoyment of union with, in particular, Jesus, the Lord whom she loved, and whose 'little bride' she had seen herself in her youth as being, and once the dryness, desolation, and sense of divine withdrawal had come it was
permanent. But the reality of this as diaconal discipline seems clear. “I really believe,” wrote a counselor, 'that the reason Mother Teresa had to undergo so much darkness in her life is that it would bring about a greater identification with the poor.' Surely so."

Does God ever forsake us for our own sake? Did He shut off His relationship with Sister Teresa so that she would look for Him in the poor?

Would that I could love Him as much as she did them, as much as I loved then, or as much as He loves me.

"I prefer to spend my time in solitary ways
Keeping myself to myself
Can’t pretend that it’s been easy since you went away
Livin with somebody else

If you should change your mind
If you would turn around and look behind
If you could see me the way I used to be
At the risk of bringing back the sorrow and despair
I would do it all again
Holding on to memories and pretending not to care
Knowing that the show was soon to end
If only I could change your mind
If only you would change
If I had the chance I’d do it all again
I would do it all again

I remember windy shores on melancholy days
Drifting along with the tide
And the joy of simple things and ordinary ways
Taking it all in my stride

If you should change your mind
If I could let you see what lies behind
If you could see need me the way it used to be

Even for a moment of the happy times we shared
Living in my dreams since then
At the risk of losing only castles in the air
Come with me and we can try again
Oh, if I could change your mind

Can’t pretend it’s not been lonely since you went away
Oh, if only I could change your mind"

Eric Woolfson and Alan Parsons, Alan Parsons Project "Eve" Album 1978

Feeling Unloved

Today's sermon at ECOOS was provided by Fr. Foss. He did a good job in speaking about 1 John 4:7-21, and John 15:1-8 (he did not bring in the story of the Ethiopian eunuch (Acts 8:26-40)). He even told a couple of choice personal stories from his youth. One of these was the story of his time in Houston staying with a Christian couple who were visited by a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses. The witnesses were treated with respect, and were not corrected, nor were they chastised as being heretics during their 30 minute stay. The message of loving your guests by not challenging them in their faith was not forgotten by the young Charlie Foss.

If he had chosen to bring in the story of the Ethiopian eunuch, Charlie might have had to explain the work of the Spirit in Philip's evangelism. Philip started with the scripture and recited the good news of Jesus, converting and subsequently baptizing the Ethiopian eunuch at the nearest watering hole. In a way, Philip was the eunuch's guest, and the eunuch listened and did not argue.

The problem with today's sermon came when Fr. Foss said that "The word behind orthodoxy is unlove." By singling out this group in this way, we are presented with one of the perils of heterodoxy. That is, the inclination to belittle or to call names. This is a tactic we have also seen carried out in the political arena where liberals have used negative language to label conservatives or their views. That all began with "Hawks and Doves" in the Vietnam era and may have reached its zenith with the famous "vast right wing conspiracy" comment of Hillary Clinton.
This name calling has an amazing one way street aspect in that it is okay for Fr. Foss to pin the label of "unlove" on the orthodox, but it is another for the orthodox to ask out loud, "Now, who is being unloving?"

What Fr. Foss should have asked in his sermon was,
"What was the 'word' behind the orthodox friends in Houston?" You remember... the Jehovah's Witness story. What kept Charlie's friends from evangelizing back to their quests, and what kept Charlie's friends from being converted to Jehovah's Witnesses? Firm in their faith, Charlie's friends would not be swayed. The power of love that lies behind orthodoxy held them fast, and maybe helped them bite their tongues, and that love reduced the possibility of starting a small religious war in their kitchen.

If Charlie's friends had shown tough love and gotten into a lengthy argument with their guests, would it have done any good? How do you show love to those of different faiths? To those of us who are poorly practiced and poorly trained in evangelism, to get into a serious theological debate with someone who has the practice and training is a daunting prospect.

I am drawn back to Matthew 10:11-15,

And into whatsoever city or town ye shall enter, enquire who in it is worthy; and there abide till ye go thence.
And when ye come into an house, salute it.
And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you.
And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.
Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.

Tough love is scary stuff. Maybe there is more to this love business than meets the human eye.

Besides the story of the Ethiopian eunuch, Fr. Foss left out any discussion of John 15:6,

"Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned."

Does Jesus' tough love for us go too far to be discussed on Sunday morning? I fear that in our quest to feel good about our religion that we don't talk about consequences. We would rather feel that "whoever fears has not reached perfection in love," (1 John 4:18) and we know that must be those unperfected, mean spirited orthodox.

In his article "Perfect Fear Casts Out All 'Luv'" , Peter Kreeft makes the following points,

"God is love. And love is not "luv." Luv is nice; love is not nice. Love is a fire, a hurricane, an earthquake, a volcano, a bolt of lightning. Love is what banged out the big bang in the beginning, and love is what went to hell for us on the cross.

The difference between love and "luv" is the difference between the prophetic model of religion and the therapeutic model. In the prophetic model, God commands us to be good. In the therapeutic model, people use religion to make themselves feel good.

Not only are we missing something when fear is absent from religion, but (far worse) we are sinning grievously. For the absence of the fear of God is arrogance and pride. How dare sinners sashay up to God as a chum without first falling down in repentance and fear and calling on the Blood of Christ to save us?

This is not a private opinion; it is the teaching of the Bible, the church, and the saints.

Perfect love casts out fear,
but unless we begin with fear, we cannot progress
to perfect love."

Does the Episcopal Church fear the orthodox? Some of those who will be gathering at the General Convention this summer do. Here is what one priest had to say recently (names redacted and spelling unedited),

"One last thought though. The important thing for us to realize is the conservative fundamentalist evangelicalism is dead. The body is still flopping about, but the coming of age American public has rejected it as mean spirited and homophobic. The largest growing denomination is 'no religious preference' and the proximate cause of that is not the liberal agenda. In fact that group is quite further to the progressive end than TEC. The growth of the unchurched is because Christianity is now represented by its loudest adherents: the Conservative-Fundamentalist-Evangelicals. The path to Christian growth is to better get the message across about a church which has the capacity for more generous reading of scripture and public positions. As a church TEC needs to stop fooling around with mollifying the C-F-Es and become visibly present and clear about its offering of the Good News. The conservatives that .... worries about do need to be part of the discourse and shaping of TEC, but not the C-F-Es. Time to say good bye to them and 'best of luck to you in all your undertakerings.'"

What a fine example of heterodox love. Perhaps after being ousted, a few Conservative-Fundamentalist-Evangelicals (C-F-Es) could knock on a certain church in San Diego's door and hand out some literature. The writer of the above quotation might not treat them as nicely as Fr. Foss's friends treated the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Lord, bestow your love upon us. Help us to keep the Faith you have given to us through the power of the Holy Spirit and through Your Son our Saviour Jesus Christ. That Faith as shown by and taught to us by the apostles. When the world comes knocking, give us the words to speak for that Faith, and give us the strength to say the word again and again, every time the world knocks it down. Love. In Christ's name we pray.

Christian Maintenance

"If words are to enter men's minds and bear fruit, they must be the right words shaped cunningly to pass men's defenses and explode silently and effectually within their minds."

- (From Here by John Bertram Phillips)

I attended a meeting the other day, and one of the attendees made the comment that when we are caught up in the passion of current events that we should not forget our first love. This being a group of concerned Episcopalians, he was referring to our love for God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and that love that was given to us by God. When someone surrenders to Christ and is "saved," what happens next? How do they maintain that initial passion and keep the flame going for the rest of their life? This love, if true, can never be "lost." The human experience of a lost "first love" suggests that the desire, the yearning, remains present, and can be rekindled even after decades of separation (although sometimes with disastrous consequences when people reconnect with their first human lover). Similarly, I think that the love of God we first experience upon our conversion may be laying dormant in many of us as we live our lives out in the day to day "maintenance phase" of faith.

This maintenance phase of faith is not unlike many long marriages. The Church probably has more people in this phase of life than any other. How do we nurture these folks? We (Our Saviour) are not a church that holds tent revivals or such events to gin up the congregation (although we did do the "Faith Alive" thing a few years back).

Can we ever expect to be so in love again as to relive that conversion experience on a daily basis?

If you need advice, you might consult with J.B. Phillips' advice for the lovelorn like I did.

Due to it's length I have shortened the following from J. B. Phillips on Christian Maintenance , but in the spirit of J. B., read the whole thing.

"In order to live a life of New Testament quality, we shall find it necessary to work out some kind of practical plan to keep us alive and sensitive to the Spirit of the living God, which will keep us supplied day by day with the necessary spiritual reinforcement, and which will help us to grow and develop as sons and daughters of God. It is unfortunately only too easy to slip back into conformity with our immediate surroundings, and to lose sight of the supra‑human way of living, except perhaps as a wistful memory... It is quite simply because we are surrounded by unreal and false values, by a pattern of living divorced from and unconscious of spiritual realities, that we have to take time and trouble to maintain supra‑natural life, even though that life is in the truest sense the natural one. Experience shows that Christians whose lives are illuminated by the new quality of living, only maintain that inner radiance by taking certain practical steps.

The first essential need is for quiet... It is imperative that somehow or other we make for ourselves a period of quiet each day... if we see the utter necessity for this period of quiet, our ingenuity will find a way of securing it... daily quiet we simply must secure, or the noise and pressure of modem life will quickly smother our longing to live life of the new quality.

Prayer has so many aspects that it requires much longer treatment than I can give it here, and I will only mention three which seem to me the most important. The first is the value of worship...
The second important point I should like to make is that in our prayers we should not merely confess our sins and failures to God, but claim from Him the opposite virtue...
Thirdly, I should like to stress the value of intercession for other people...

It is very noticeable in the New Testament records of the early Church that Christians existed in fellowship... Even though, judging from the evidence of Paul's letters, it was not very long before factions and "splinter groups" arose, yet the overall picture is of the Young Church standing firm...

...All this means that a very large part of our Christian maintenance will consist of joining in with the fellowship of the Church, in its prayer and worship, in its work and service. Many people who profess to be Christians are very irregular worshippers. I do not think they can possibly realise how they weaken the cause of the Church, and in addition starve themselves of Christian fellowship. Many people appear to be convinced that they can lead good lives without committing themselves to Church attendance or the fellowship of the Church.

Again, if the Church is to make any worth‑while impact on the surrounding community, if it is even to speak with a voice worth hearing, it must have the active committed support of all true Christians. I repeat, I do not think that the many delightful casual Christians whom I know have the slightest idea how they sabotage the power and witness of the Christian fellowship by their haphazard attachment to the Church.

Sharing our inward lives, then, and joining in the fellowship, worship, and service of the Church, are essentials for Christian maintenance.

Very close to them in importance lies the habit of regular Bible reading. Countless men and women throughout the centuries have found their inspiration and nourishment for the Christian life in reading the Word of God. Now, I am not at all sure that our modern way of living is suited to the old‑fashioned methods of Bible study...

...This intelligent reading, particularly of the New Testament, will keep alive and alert our inmost spirits. The sacred pages are truly inspired, not, I believe, in any "verbal inspirational" sense, but because they contain the Word of God or, in case that is a meaningless cliché, they contain truths of the Real World in the language of this. Again and again we shall find ourselves challenged, convicted, inspired, or comforted by truths that are not of man's making at all, but which are bright shafts of light breaking through into our darkness.

Closely allied to intelligent Bible study lies Christian reading... There are many Christians today who from one year's end to another never read a Christian book. They have little or no idea, for example, how Christianity is spreading throughout the world, of the triumphs and disappointments of the world‑wide Church...To be brutally frank, they are very ignorant both of the history and of the implications of their Faith. In other departments of life they may be highly competent, efficient, and knowledgeable; but over this, the very heart and centre of their true life, they are frequently abysmally ignorant. These are, I know, harsh words, but the Church could be infinitely more powerful as God's instrument for the establishment of His Kingdom if its members were better informed in their minds as well as more devoted in their hearts."

How I long to rekindle that lost love, for then I will be forever loving God with all my heart, all my mind, and all my soul. It won't come quickly, it may take a long, long, long time.

"It's been a long long long time,
How could I ever have lost you
When I loved you.

It took a long long long time
Now I'm so happy I found you
How I love you

So many tears I was searching,
So many tears I was wasting, oh. Oh -

Now I can see you, be you
How can I ever misplace you
How I want you
Oh I love you
You know that I need you.
Ooh I love you."

"Long, Long, Long"
George Harrison 1968

Ignoring the "be you" line in Harrison's song, there is such a Love that is dear in so many ways that it bears reliving over and over again.



This love comes at a dear price, but the price has already been paid for us without our even asking. So why do I feel guilty about accepting His gift of love? Perhaps it is pride, the pride that won't accept something unearned. Pride interfering with Love's free gift. Part of the price we have to pay is the giving up of our selves, our pride, in order to regain our first love.