Another One Leaves the Church

A sad day for the Church of Our Saviour as we read this letter from the Stringers:

"Dear Fr. Foss, Fr. Dunbar, Vestry Members, and Church Friends,

It is with a heavy heart that I am writing to you on the matter of our family’s decision to no longer attend and financially support Church of Our Saviour as of March 1, 2008. My hope is that my explanation coupled with our family’s decision may be a catalyst for some ‘ultimate good’ for COOS. So I ask for your patience and I thank you for your time to read and discern this email.

Kati and I were raised as cradle Episcopalians – baptized, confirmed and married in the Episcopal Church – and our children follow in this heritage. Though we have chosen to reinvest in a church of another denomination, we do not intend to exchange our Episcopal ‘roots’ for another. Therefore as a matter of church business, we will not be transferring our membership, but becoming inactive on the COOS roll. We are Episcopalians and will always be regardless of the “church” we attend.

Our decision to leave boils down to several related factors which I believe are “brutal facts” that the Clergy and Vestry must face in order to “right the ship”:

Lack of leadership and direction from the Clergy
Lack of development in the youth program
Lack of retention of young families and their financial support

After years of involvement with the youth, various committees and even Kati serving on the Vestry for a year, we have come to the conclusion that our family’s immediate needs for spiritual development can’t be put off while COOS continues to focus on its languishing financial doldrums. It appears that COOS’s Clergy is caught in a vicious cycle that “the parish isn’t paying for the services they get now” (commented to me several times) and therefore the answer is first more money and then more “services”. For our family just the opposite is reality, money follows services. The response to the annual budget shortfall and subsequent call for a short-term financial fix, became the “straw” that broke our families desire to further invest our time, talent and treasure.

The spiritual “product” of COOS isn’t adequate or acceptable for young families like ours. Beyond the Sunday Liturgy, there is little offered to minister to the needs of young families. In our own experience, Kati and I have offered numerous ideas and a willingness to start programs like Alpha, Financial Peace and others, all of which were meet with lackluster clergy support. In our opinion, too much of the leadership and development of the church is forced upon the Vestry and congregation and not enough from the Clergy as “spiritual leaders” – the shepherds of the flock.

What brings in young families initially is their primary focus, their children. The youth programs of the church bring them in and then young family programs keep them (and their money). After a year of service, Mary Cat’s primarily focus isn’t on building a youth program; the very reason the parish supported her hiring. People notice and lose hope that these programs will come to fruition. This is what we have concluded. The litany of other young families that have left is long and alarming and only underscores this reality. The Clergy, not the Vestry, must reprioritize Mary Cat’s direction and give her the latitude to build a true Youth Program. Anything short will produce the same results we have today.

Finally, much to the chagrin of the Clergy, the leadership of the church must come from the head of the church, not the vestry, and not the congregation. The leadership of the church (not unlike any company, organization or group) must provide the vision, the direction and energy. I believe when people are given a vision or a goal they can believe in, they will follow. As examples, look at the accomplishments over the past few years: Faith Alive, the Year of Renewal, the Youth Mission Trip, hiring of Mary Cat, and the Restoration Project. All these great accomplishments came with vision, direction and energy and they were successful beyond what we expected. COOS must be operated in the same way to realize its potential. It can’t be a church of “_the next fund raiser_.”

After the congregational meeting last month, I went through my own discernment to run for Vestry. Through this process, I considered whether we needed new leadership in our Clergy. After many discussions and prayerful consideration, I do not believe new leadership is the answer, but realization of leadership. Charlie, you have an opportunity to lead the congregation through your retirement and transition COOS to a new rector on your timetable—be that 5 years or 10. If the tough decisions are made, and a vision of the future comes from you, your flock will follow. For me, my compulsion to be an agent of change would have taken time away from my own spiritual needs, my family and my business. Ultimately, I choose these things over COOS and Kati and I came to the conclusion that we needed to find a place that reached our children and supported our struggles as parents, husband and wife and the people we want to be. We are saddened that we could not find those things at COOS and we hope and pray to stay in contact with the friends we have made.

Thank you.

DCS

David Copp Stringer"

Used with permission, UP