Salt of the Earth, Think of the Love God Savors If it Holds its Flavor

Today's sermon focused on the Gospel reading which contained Matthew 5:13,

"Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men."

I never thought that salt could literally lose its flavor, and I realize that Jesus was referring to people and their faithlessness, but can salt really lose its flavor?

Common salt occurs when one atom of sodium and one atom of chlorine join up in an ionic bond. The resulting compound is referred to as sodium chloride or NaCl. A pile of crystalline salt may get contaminated with something that spoils the taste, and Jesus may be referring to this as salt that has lost its savor, and that is a scary thought for the world is always trying to stir in things, additions, novelties, or new teachings to spoil the faithful.

Thankfully, we have the Master Chemist who can separate wheat from tares, and who can restore the savor to salt that has lost its flavor.

Pray, Lord Jesus, save us, restore our faith, and preserve us as we swim in this salty world.

Just a little drop [atom] of chlorine, valence minus one
Swimming through the sea, diggin' the scene, just havin' fun
She's not worried about the shape or size of her outer shell--
it's fun to ionize
Just a little atom of chlorine with an unfilled shell.

Somewhere in that sea lurks handsome sodium
With enough eletrons on his outside shell plus an extra one
"Somewhere in this deep blue sea, there is a negative
for my extra energy
Yes somewhere in this foam, my positive will find a home"

Then unsuspecting chlorine felt a magnetic pull
She looked down and her outside shell was full!
Sodium cried "What a gas, be my bride,
And I'll change your name from chlorine to chloride!"

Now the sea evaporates to make the clouds for rain and snow,
Leaving her chemical conpounds in the absence of H2O
But the crystals that wash upon the shore are happy ones,
so if you never thought before,
Think of the love that you eat ... when you salt your meat!

by Kate and Ann McGarrigle

Ye are the salt of the earth. Think of the love God savors if ye keep your flavor.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Most of us have seen the following slogan which is used by a certain fast food chain:

I saw the slogan on the side of a vehicle the other day.

It was parked outside a local eatery.

I sat across from the occupants of said vehicle and observed their menu selections from the above restaurant with interest.

All I can say is that it is hard to live into your beliefs at all times, especially when you are hungry.

Walkin in a Doggie Wonderland

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy; Psalm 126: v 1-2

This year, Rock Hill had a white Christmas for the first time in decades. The snow fall came late on Christmas night, but some of us had to venture forth to check it out (and to take care of business).

                                                         (Taken 12/26/2010)

Walkn' In A Doggy Winter Wonderland
by Unknown Poet

Dog tags ring, are you listenin'?
In the lane, snow is glistenin'.
It's yellow, NOT white - I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.

Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."

In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man,
So all the world will know it's
mine-mine-mine!

Straight from me to the fencepost,
flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off of my TURF, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland.

"...our mouth was filled with laughter..."

Should Sermons be Recorded?

I used to think sermons should be recorded until I came across something that c. michael patton at Parchment and Pen posted and described as the single greatest YouTube video ever. I suppose it might be... if you are a teenager.

I think the preacher meant to say "Lot went to pitch his tents."



It kinda reminds me of the time our Headmaster misread something in his morning announcements that were being broadcast over the intercom throughout the school. I remember that he was supposed to say, "Teachers may pick up their ditto 'sheets' at the office," but it didn't exactly come out that way.

Maybe our minds are in the gutter most of the time. Is it only our desire to please others keeps us from letting people see our inner thoughts? Can a prayerful life control the tongue? I guess none of us is perfect, and the inner thoughts that slip out can not only make people laugh but can cause people to cry as well. I think James had something to say about that,

"Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you realize that we will be judged more strictly,  for we all fall short in many respects. If anyone does not fall short in speech, he is a perfect man, able to bridle his whole body also.
If we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we also guide their whole bodies.
It is the same with ships: even though they are so large and driven by fierce winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot's inclination wishes.
In the same way the tongue is a small member and yet has great pretensions. Consider how small a fire can set a huge forest ablaze.
The tongue is also a fire. It exists among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire, itself set on fire by Gehenna.
For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings who are made in the likeness of God.

From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. This need not be so, my brothers."

James 3: 1-10

What does an atheist say when you sneeze?

I can't believe you are wasting a perfectly good day reading this post. No, that is not the answer!



Somebody asked this question the other day, and at first I was stumped, but later on the answer popped into my head. I am sure this has been said before, but here goes nuthin.

Q. "What does an atheist say to you when you sneeze?"

A. "Bless yourself."




I apologize for the anemic posting, but I just got back from a 1500 mile RT, and for the last 700 mi. we were U-Haulin it back to SC, so I am exhausted. I thank the Lord for a safe journey home. I guess the atheist would say, "Thank the U-Haul company along with your own loading and driving skills."

I think my hypothetical atheist would missing the point. It was not U-Haul or Me-Haul at all. I can't help but think that God is active in our "everyday" lives.  Even in those times where we are movin it down the highway.

In it for the long haul,

U.P.

Behold the Caveman

A couple of things came together in the past couple of weeks. For one thing, there was the report of Neanderthal DNA mixed into our melting pot. Scooper gave his take on that over at the Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua.

Northern Plains Anglicans culled this quote from Gregory the Great and I just had to find a cartoon to fit,

"...let us turn the back of our minds on this corruption of temporal life, let us turn the faces of our hearts to the freedom of the Heavenly Kingdom. But behold, there are still many things that oppress us from the care of corruptible life. Therefore because we cannot depart perfectly, at least let us stand in the door of our cave, ready to leave at any time propitiously through the grace of Our Savior Who lives and reigns with the Father in the Unity of the Holy Spirit, God, unto all ages of ages. Amen."

I guess Gregory was expressing some of his Neanderthal DNA. He speaks to the imperfection of our earthly existence, and the hope for things to come. In order to realize that hope, we do have to stick our necks out of the caves in which we live. I discovered this a few years ago...



Behold the caveman, he only makes progress when he sticks his neck out of his cave.

An Epistle From the President

Okay, I admit I did edit out some of the content, large chunks in fact, but I got this today thanks to a certain someone who is "no kin to me" and who got me stuck on this mailing list.

Underground --

I wanted to take a moment to thank you directly for the outstanding work you've been doing ... I can tell you that your voice is heard in Washington every day. I see how your efforts are moving us toward victory.

... your voice is needed now more than ever before.

Raise your voice today: We must all speak out together to finish the job.

In these final, crucial days, much more will be asked of us. Our resolve will be tested.

... all of us who share this cause need courage to speak up with persistence and clarity in these final days.

I've always found that courage comes from remembering that we fight for something and someone beyond ourselves. It comes from our faith. And it comes from our commitment to those we love.

So please take a moment to remember those who inspire you -- those who give you the strength to march on.

There's very little time left, and still much to do. But I believe to my core in the power of Americans to change history when we put our mind to it. And if you'll stay with us in these final days, I know we can do it again:

Thank you for making it possible,

President Barack Obama

I think that cleaned up rather nicely. I just love it when he addresses me by my first name.

March Madness, March Sadness

A picture is worth a thousand words.



Giuseppe Arcimboldo, the original flower child, (1527-1593) "Spring" (1573)

Now that is what I call "Wearing o' the Green."



I guess we all run wild some times. Arcimboldo was not limited to painting broccoli. He did some serious stuff too. Wikipedia presents a photo of this stained glass window in the Milan Cathedral which is attributed to Arcimboldo/Arcimboldi.



Finally, an update on Spring in Rock Hill...

March Sadness: Winthrop 44 - Arkansas Pine Bluff 61

(photo taken 03/14/2010 by U.P.)

Religagrams (Anagrams)

The problems with anagrams are that,
1. You can get hooked on them, and
2. You are bound to come up with offensive ones.

Of course, any offense is all in the eye of the beholder.

So, if you are easily offended, go no further!

Recently I came across a couple of anagrams that caught my eye. One was,

Episcopal = Pepsi Cola

and the other was,

Presbyterian = Britney Spears

So I went looking around, and I probably went too far. Others from SF

Lambeth indaba = damnable habit.

Lambeth = meth lab


And more from anagrammy,

Various religious anagrams from 1999 by the late Daniel F. Etter (1964 - 2000)


Amish = Am His.

Baptists = It's Pabst!

Pentacostal = Placates not.

Charismatic = Archaic mist.

Speaking in tongues = Not genius speaking.

Gnostic = Costing.

Latter-Day Saints = As sanity rattled.

Discordianism = Is manic, sordid.

Wiccan religion = Calorie wincing.
[Mar 1999]

I plugged some names into Brendan's anagram generator and came up with some for,

Anglican = A Gin Clan.

Evangelical = Galvanic eel, Angelic veal, Legal cave-in, Calvin eagle.

Latter Day Saints = Lady is sent a tart.

Lutherans = Shan't rule, or Learn thus.

Methodist = I'd test Ohm.

Unitarianism = Arianism unit, A martini in us, In sanitarium.

Roman Catholic = A Catholic Norm, or A harmonic clot.

Greek Orthodox = God he Rex... OK rot.

Buddhism = Dumb dish.

Muslim = *'# $%@# (A Fatwa might be issued on the Anagram generator).

Religagram = Seagram Girl.

UndergroundPewster = Pew rest run under God.

I warned you!

12 Yats of Christmas

Irreverent: Warning the following video will be incomprehensible to most, and should not be taken as an insult to your intelligence or lack of humor.



I am still laughing about that Dix pack of Sixtie.

Don't Play that Grandma Song

Irreverent: (Warning, the following video depicts a potentially harmful depiction of callous rednecks, is discriminatory against grandmothers, presents ugly stereotype of grandfathers, includes no warning against the consumption of excessive amounts of eggnog on Christmas eve, and engenders reindeeraphobia.)



Don't say I didn't warn you!

Thanks Dr. Elmo.

Jingle Bombs?

Irreverent. (Warning adult language, do not play at work)

T'was The Night Before the Election

T'was the night before the election,
And all through the upstate,
Not a delegate was certain of the Diocese's fate.

The liberals were sleeping
All in the same bed.
With visions of Same Sex weddings
Dancing in their heads.

I in my conservative thinking cap,
With the dog looking on.
Stayed awake wondering
What might go wrong.

When off went the scanner with a dreadful alert,
A Episcopal wreck on the interstate!
A call for the Pewster to get to work.

I ran to the highway
And what was the bother?
A broken down church van,
And six men in white collars.

And there on roadside,
All covered with bug splat,
Was St. Nicholas himself
A'fixin a flat!

The churchmen were harnessed
To tow the old wreck,
When St. Nicholas finished up,
And shouted, "Oh Heck..."

"On Linder, on Waldo, on Williams and Thompson!
On Burwell, Michell, we best be a hustlin.
To the Cathedral in Columbia,
To the State Capital.
Pull away, pull away, pull away all!"

I hopped on the bumper
To see where they went.
That team was holy fast,
One hundred percent.

With three on the left and three on the right,
St. Nick had that van haulin
Straight through the night.

We got to Columbia
And the church parking lot.
Santa unhitched the dog collars
And checked his list to see who got what.

He read, "The Laity is conservative
The clergy is liberal."
"What they need here is a doggone consiberal!"

I jumped from the bumper,
And ran to his side.
"No, not a moderate!" I said.
"You pick one," he replied.

I said, "Give me Michell, Williams, and Burwell, all three!"
But Santa shook his head,
and spoke straight to me,
"You can only have one.
Which one will it be?"

I said, "Which one will be faithful, true and trustworthy,
A pastor, a father, a leader, and preacher?
St. Nick, which one will be the best teacher?"

So Santa packaged one up,
Threw in a crozier and miter.
And a purple shirt too,
I hope he left us a fighter.

He hitched up his churchmen,
Who turned left on Bull Street,
When I last saw them.
The were pounding their feet.

Then off in the distance,
Santa cried through the night,

"Blessed election to all, I hope it works out out alright!"

2009 U.P.

The Disconnected Clergy

Cruising home the other night from a downtown soiree, I decided to sail past the church. Slowing down in front of Lumpkin Hall, I was startled to see a shadowy figure obscure the light coming from the garth. I anchored, heart pounding, thinking there might be criminal activity. Thinking that this might be a trick of the light, I got out of my land yacht. Armed only with my wireless, and having 911 on speed dial, I crept forward. That is when I heard my name whispered in a dreadful aged tone, "Waaaalllllaccce." I knew at once this must be the elusive Deep Pew. Averting my gaze, I whispered back, "What are you doing here?" Pew made an unintelligible sound and I felt a grizzled hand thrusting papers into my hand. "Look...for...the...disconnect...Go...Now," Pew croaked.

I quickly backed away. Placing myself and the documents into my vessel, a plotted a course for the nearest well lit safe harbor, the parking lot at Bojangles. Glancing over the papers I had been given, I was amazed to find that I had come into possession of the long awaited results of the survey of the members and clergy of the Episcopal Diocese of Upper South Carolina. What did Deep Pew mean by "disconnect?" I am hardly qualified to do a statistical analysis, but as I looked at the survey responses, I wondered if there might be a disconnect between the clergy responses and the responses of the Laity on certain touchy issues. This frightening thought troubled me as I sailed home. Is there a problem here? How can we solve a problem like this? Maybe the clergy will be asking the same question. I could almost hear them singing,

How Do You Solve a Problem Like the Laity?

They arrive at church and bend their knees
Their joints show years of wear
They stagger on their way to Mass
And sometimes miss the stair
Underneath their simple look and blank stare
I even hear them thinking in the nave.

They’re always late for the procession,
And their countenance is dour
They’re always late for meetings
Except for coffee hour.
I hate to have to say it,
But I don't know what to do,
They didn't teach us this in seminary.

I'd like to say a word in their behalf
The Laity makes me laugh.

How do you solve a problem like the Laity?
How do you quiet them and lull them to sleep?
How do you find a word that means the Laity?
The fussbudgets! The congo! The Sheep!

Many a thing we know we'd like to tell them
Many a thing to get them more confused
But how do we make them stay,
And listen to our liberal ways
How do we keep them silent in the pews?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like the Laity?
How do you hold the God fearing in your hand?

When we’re with them we’re confused
Out of focus and bemused,
And we never know exactly where we stand
Adding fire to the fuel
They’re as stubborn as a mule.
They’re darling! They’re conservative! They are lambs!


They’ll outpester any pest,
Focus on the Word and ignore the rest.
They could throw an apostate priest a country mile.
They’re gentle! They are wild!
They’re a riddle! They are mild!
They’re a headache! They are angels!
They’re a trial!

How do you solve a problem like the Laity?
How do you calmly lull them all to sleep?
How do you find a word that means the Laity?
The fussbudgets! The congo! The Sheep!

Many a thing we know we'd like to tell them
Many a thing to get them more confused,
But how do we make them stay
And listen to our liberal ways
How do we keep them silent in the pews?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like the Laity?
How do you hold the God fearing in your hand?

H/t Rodgers and Hammerstein

Stinking Bishop

From Yahoo News

In the "hierarchy" of the mythological Anglican "communion" the question is often asked, "Who's in charge here anyway?" Today, I propose a candidate for the position of "The Big Cheese."

"Stinking Bishop has been officially voted Britain's most pungent cheese in the nation's first ever contest.

Britain's Smelliest Cheese Championships were held at The Royal Bath and West Show in Shepton Mallet, Somerset.

The Stinking Bishop, made by Charles Martell of Martell and Son in Gloucestershire, was described as smelling like a rugby club changing room.

The judging panel included Chris Rundle, a West country food and drink journalist, and Alec Lawless, perfumier and owner of Essentially Me natural perfumes.

The professional judges were joined by a group of junior judges, children aged 10 and 11 from Wells Cathedral School, who were selected for their sensitive noses.

The panel's chairman, Tim Rowcliffe of Antony Rowcliffe speciality cheeses, said: "The cheeses were all fantastically smelly but Stinking Bishop absolutely knocked us out."

Stinking Bishop is washed in a Gloucestershire perry made from a pear variety called Stinking Bishop. The pear was named after a reprobate farmer with an appalling reputation as a drunkard, who famously shot his kettle when it took too long to boil.

Mr Martell said: 'I'm thrilled and surprised to win. I hope more people will get into eating more speciality cheeses because there are so many in Britain - more than in France.'

Mike Pullin, chair of the Dairy Produce Awards and organiser of the championships said: 'This has been a brilliant opportunity to show off the creativity of British cheese-makers. We've also successfully proved that British speciality cheeses can give the French a run for their money.'

I say, put the Stinking Bishop in charge and let anyone who offends the Church have to face him/her in a small enclosed space for a theological stink off.

Please Lord, when you send us a new Bishop, don't send a stinky one!

B(ishop) S(earch)

Bishop Search 6

This week the people of the EDUSC will be completing a survey. This will help the Bishop Search Committee in making a profile with which to compare with the profiles of the candidates for Bishop. I have just completed the survey. This survey is not like the namby pamby open ended survey presented by the Dio of Rio Grande which I will summarize here:

What works well in our diocese?
What does not work well in our diocese?
What skills/experience should our new bishop have?
What personal attributes should our new bishop have?
What personal attributes should our new bishop have?
Where is God calling our diocese?
What challenges do we face in answering that call?

Instead, we were asked a range of questions including some on how important it was to have SSBs or SSMs. Questions on how important it was to have a Bishop committed to the Windsor process may have been over the heads of some of those surveyed. It is an amazing sign of the times that we would have to ask if a Bishop should be monogamous, undivorced, and committed to the creeds and liturgy, but recent results from other Episcopal dioceses point the need for these questions as I noted in a previous post about the selection of the Rev. Thew Forrester in Northern Michigan.

The survey is an important step in the process of calling our next Bishop, but there will be further steps along the road. So if your favorite question was left on the cutting room floor like mine was, you might get another crack at it when you meet the candidates.

I Love... (fill in the blank)

From Nova Scotia Scott via Transfigurations comes this article from Discover Magazine The lead title says "The End of Divorce, Growing numbers of people marrying inanimate objects." The article then describes two happy marriages, one between a woman and the Berlin Wall and another between a woman and the Eiffel tower. The article goes on to explain this attraction (Objectum sexuality),

"Objectum sexuality affects mostly women, who develop affection for objects ranging from computers to national monuments to model space ships. The cause of OS—or the psychology behind it—is not understood: Some medical experts believe it is a type of paraphilia, or unusual sexual interest or disorder; others believe it may be indicative of a history of sexual abuse.

According to certified sexologist Amy Marsh, however, it could be a new sexual orientation. Marsh has surveyed a community of people with OS and said, 'What I’m finding is not much history of sexual abuse, and actually not much in the way of psychiatric diagnoses either. I’m finding they’re very happy, and they don’t want to change. I am also finding out that quite a few of them have a diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome or autism, but not everybody.'"

Hey, they even have a web site that I love, "Objectum-Sexuality Internationale." This site contains some helpful information such as,

What is OS?

NOTE: There is little known about OS other than data our community has gathered from our personal relationships with objects. So we are not claiming to have any clinical basis, only the practical knowledge gained from each other. We welcome and currently seek professional input and study in regards to OS. We are not looking for a cure but more comprehension into our make-up as an emerging part of society.

Objectùm-Sexuality is an orientation to love objects.

Sexual orientation is defined as the nature of sexual preference while the prolific definition stands as: the direction of someone's sexual desire toward people of the opposite gender, people of the same gender, or people of both. This does not include objects.

However, orientation itself is defined as: a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways. This does include objects as we see it.

We love objects and many of us in an intimate way and this feeling is innate. Objectùm-sexual love comes for most in a similar awakening as other sexualities at the start of puberty. This is often followed by an acute awareness that we do not relate to peers due to the source of the projected feelings. Often objectùm-sexual people feel outcast or pressured by mainstream sexuality with a helpless feeling that we cannot change what comes so naturally.

What is the natural feeling of OS?

Just as mainstream are attracted to certain types of people, physical/intellectual, objectùm-sexuals feel a strong attraction towards objects possessing, in particular, certain geometry/function. Often this attraction is regarded as an obsession to a degree that provokes criticism.

What makes OS different from an obsession?

Truly there is not much difference. Love is a feeling that preoccupies one's thoughts. This in its own right describes a degree of obsession where all focus is on the one desired. An obsession is based on an extreme keenness for an object and that defines the significance. However, the difference for objectùm-sexuals is our love and attraction for the object is what devotes our interest to a level that appears merely obsessive.

"How can one love an inanimate object?

Indeed, the meaning of love comes into question. However, there is no single definition because this feeling has many levels and crosses every part of the spectrum. Virtually every one and every thing can be loved. Love does not have any rules that requisite to whom or to what we express this multifaceted emotion, as long as it causes no violation or harm to the subjected.

The spectrum of love is so vast; one may relate it to a bell curve. In the middle will certainly appear the majority of those whose relationships can be characterized by the similarities to whom and how they love. And at one end of this curve, that is where Objectùm-sexuality finds its place. While we have no firm numerical data, we are clearly a minority which facilitates the criticism of our way of love and life. But none-the-less, we still fall under the curve of the enigmatic emotion known as love.

OK, so the question isn't answered for those who strongly believe that love must be reciprocated to be in and have a relevant relationship. Naturally, if one sees objects as inanimate, then objectùm-sexual love and our relationships would undeniably be scrutinized. Indeed, there are cases of love being one-sided as with any orientation, but in general we do feel love in return."

The natural question for this blog is, "When will the O.S. people be brought into "full inclusion" in the Episcopal Church?

And, "How is this supposed to end divorce?"

A Suspension of Disbelief

Press Release-TECNEWS-UP 04/01/2009

In an surprise move, the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church USA, Katherine Jefferts Schori, will announce her resignation today. In a letter to the House of Bishops Jefferts Schori outlines the rationale behind her decision.

"After much reflection and discernment, the Holy Spirit has decided to once again redirect me into areas that would never have seemed possible to the unenlightened mind. I hereby announce my formal resignation to be effective April 15, 2009."

In an exclusive interview with this reporter, Jefferts Schori stated,

"It was during the preparation of my upcoming Easter message on 'Jonah, Darwin, and the Incredible Mr. Limpet' that I was overwhelmed by this incredible feeling of longing to return to the sea. Just like in my earlier career as an oceanographer that I first felt the call to walk on dry land, it is now in my role as Presiding Bishop of the most important Protestant denomination in America that I am blessed to receive this new call. I am naming it the 'call of the deep.'"

Balancing a beach ball on her nose she continued,

"One of the great joys I have experienced as Presiding Bishop has been the wonderful sense of progress in unity towards the Church Universal Triumphantly Trumpeting Her Royal Ornaments And Tridents."

After reminding her that critics of her goal had labelled it by its acronym C.U.T.T.H.R.O.A.T. , she tossed her head back adroitly propelling the beach ball into a basket and said,
"In every healthy body there must exist the many parts. It is through the love of Christ that we are held together, so that when the hand tells the fin to cut off the tail, the head intervenes and says, 'No you don't, you evil hand, you may be part of this body, but I can cut you off and replace you with a fin.' In this way I myself have been evolving like the Church itself into a new creation. My evolution is nearly complete and the time for my return to the sea draws near."

I asked if there was any unfinished business that she would like to complete before her departure, and why did she choose April 15, 2009.

"I have been asked to perform one more official act as a minister of the cloth before I shed those human vestments. As you are aware, the Bishop V. Gene Robinson has announced his resignation. This was a surprise to all of us, but he says he was called by the Spirit to abide by 1 Timothy 3:2 and I reluctantly accepted his version of the truth. The bigger surprise was his engagement to marry the Rev. Susan Russell, and they then informed me that they wished for me to be the officiant of their marriage. I told them that I was honored, and I have chosen to preach from Psalm 69,
'Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in deep mire,
where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters,
and the flood sweeps over me.'

I will be sure to include verse 34," she added.

"Let heaven and earth praise him,
the seas and everything that moves in them."

"But why the date?" I inquired.

"The couple chose the night of April 14, which I am sure will be a night to remember, for historical reasons which escape me right now, but I believe you can find suitable references on the Internet.
I shall be doffing my robes and slipping under the waves myself shortly thereafter."

Thanking her by tossing her a smelt, I flew to the nearest cyber cafe to be the first to post this exclusive story.

Bishop Search 2