Sunday, March 28, 2010

What Other Letters Does +VGR Mean?

WARNING POTENTIALLY OFFENSIVE SUBJECT MATTER

The following was posted by Kendall Harmon at T19 on 03/27/2010

Two years ago The Episcopal Church House of Bishops asked a panel of eight theologians, four "conservative" and four "liberal," to produce a study document addressing the issue of same-sex marriage. The Rev. Dr. Grant LeMarquand, Trinity's Academic Dean, was one of the theologians on that committee. Their work is now done.

Along with Dr. Willis Jenkins of Yale, Grant went to the Spring 2010 meeting of the House of Bishops to present the work of the panel. Both Willis and Grant gave ten minute presentations summarizing the two positions, for and against same-sex marriage. The bishops then discussed among themselves in table groups following which there was an hour for the bishops to ask questions. Perhaps the most interesting thing which happened during that question period was a short speech by Gene Robinson, Bishop of New Hampshire, who expressed dissatisfaction with both papers and stated that it was time to move beyond speaking simply of "GLBT" (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered) orientations: "there are so many other letters in the alphabet," he said; "there are so many other sexualities to be explored." He did not elaborate as to what those other sexualities and other letters of the alphabet might be.

The rest of this is my creation.

I should of been shocked to hear such talk from a bishop of the church, but remember that Bishop Gene Robinson is the man who preached about Genesis at a same-sex wedding and referred to Adam as "A Dame" (as recorded in an earlier post).

I am sure that Bishop Robinson might know a bit more about the subject of alternate sexualities than I, but that did not stop me from exploring the problem of the missing letters in our alphabet of sexual identities. I thought I was making some of them up, but I made the mistake of Googling the names and found out that most of them are "real." For my readers' protection, I have not included links to what the Google searches uncovered.

Okay, here's my list of those the inclusive church should now consider as suitable candidates for ordination and/or marriage.

A: Androgynists
C: Chronosexuals, cohabitors
D: Dominatrixes
E: Erotophobes
F: Fornicators
H: Hybristophiliacs
I: Incestivists
J: Jokesters
K: Katoptronophiliacs
M: Metrosexuals
N: Necrophiliacs
O: Onanists
P: Parthenogenesists, Pedophiles, Polyamorists, Porn Stars, Prostitutes
R: Retrosexuals
S: Sado-masochists, Sex surrogates
U: Unisexuals
V: Voyeurs
W: Wife Swappers
X: Xenophiliacs
Y: Yankees
Z: Zombie lovers

Of course, the church may have already unknowingly ordained or wed people who were "made" in these ways, and that is all the more reason to bless them and include them fully in the life of the church as ordained ministers, and to give them all the benefits of the sacrament of marriage as well. To do otherwise would be a terrible injustice akin to the days when the church supported slavery and told people that it was wrong to eat shellfish.

6 comments:

  1. I'm all for inclusiveness.

    Well, except for "Yankees." We've got to hold the line somewhere. After all, those people can't even fry a chicken correctly.

    (Seriously, if you get to Missouri, you're invited to my Baptist church anytime, my brother.)

    Cheers.

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  2. I think the ones most likely to be advocated for next are adultery, bestiality, brother/sister incest, open marriage and polygamy.

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  3. Anonymous4:59 PM

    forgot corprophilia, you know, brown in the hankey code

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  4. Purely in the interest of research, I was forced to go running to my Funk & Wagnalls, seeking further enlightenment.

    I should have followed the Pewster's admonition as I learned way more than I really need to know.

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  5. Anonymous7:29 PM

    Anonymous:

    I thought coprophilia was the preferred method of legislating by our Democrat majority

    Anon #2 (poor choice of signature)

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  6. I am still shaking my head about +VGR's desire for additions to the alphabet soup of oppressed sexual minorities. I was just reading about what happened in 2 Maccabees after the Greeks started a sexual revolution in Jerusalem. The Lord's wrath was great.

    Randall,

    I may have to take you up on that offer some day.

    ReplyDelete