Don't Mess With My Lorica

Today I am at a loss. A loss of hope, a loss of heritage, a loss of my breastplate, a loss for words. I didn't start the day off like this, but something happened during the course of the morning service at ECOOS to leave me with this hurt, empty feeling.

We started the service off with "St. Patrick's Breastplate or Lorica," Hymn 370, which got my heart pumping. Mind you, we did not sing the missing verses that Wallace Hartley posted back in March, but even the watered down version should have had everyone in a hopeful mood for "Trinity Sunday."

I recognized the warning signs of trouble when the rector began his sermon by explaining that he was going to go against 2000 years of thinking about how to talk about the Trinity. At least he is an out of the closet liberal. The ensuing sermon was too painful and confusing to recite, so I will present some personal impressions that are not direct quotations from the liberal diatribe our rector laid on me.

1. The doctrine of the Trinity was not explained. (Because we know that doctrines are bad and lead to narrow mindedness or worse.)

2. Christian thinkers, and those who have been called Christian over the centuries, have taken the Trinity as some sort of weapon into battle to subjugate other religions. (Never mind the notion that the Lorica of which we sang is a defense.)

3. The murderer of the abortionist is evidence of such misapplied fundamentalist theology. (I wonder what the abortionist was evidence of?)

4. Our great President Obama, in his Capitulation at Cairo speech, has shown that we should not speak openly of what we believe, this creedal Christianity, because we are the ones who kill.

4. History doesn't have much good to say about Christianity. (So why be one?)

5. Christians and muslims have killed in the name of God, and this needs to be pounded into my simple brain over and over.

6. I thought I was going to hear about the blessed Trinity today, and maybe learn something. Therefore, hope springs eternal just so it can be squashed.

7. I was left feeling like a Post-modernist Linus, but I will twist the cartoon character's words to read, "I love mankind, it's Christians I can't stand."

8. If today's sermon was intended to build up the body of Christ, it must have intended to do so by purging the the body of believers like me.

9. Days like this are necessary in order that I come up with new intercessory prayers.

Am I alone here? I watched in despair as a young Bible toting couple made a hasty departure after the sermon and before the Eucharist. Did they hear what I heard? Or did they have other business to attend to? Maybe they didn't read the sign, "Check your Bible at the door." If you see such a sign at your church, don't run away. Strap on your Lorica and go onward like a Christian soldier. You might get dashed, bashed, and bruised, but you will be protected from mortal wounds. Besides, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it.


Dear St. Patrick, pray for me...

"Against the demon snares of sin,
the vice that gives temptation force,
the natural lusts that war within,
the hostile men that mar my course;
of few or many, far or nigh,
in every place, and in all hours
against their fierce hostility,
I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
against false words of heresy,
against the knowledge that defiles
against the heart's idolatry,
against the wizard's evil craft,
against the death-wound and the burning
the choking wave and poisoned shaft,
protect me, Christ, till thy returning."

(the expurgated verses)

The Disconnected Clergy

Cruising home the other night from a downtown soiree, I decided to sail past the church. Slowing down in front of Lumpkin Hall, I was startled to see a shadowy figure obscure the light coming from the garth. I anchored, heart pounding, thinking there might be criminal activity. Thinking that this might be a trick of the light, I got out of my land yacht. Armed only with my wireless, and having 911 on speed dial, I crept forward. That is when I heard my name whispered in a dreadful aged tone, "Waaaalllllaccce." I knew at once this must be the elusive Deep Pew. Averting my gaze, I whispered back, "What are you doing here?" Pew made an unintelligible sound and I felt a grizzled hand thrusting papers into my hand. "Look...for...the...disconnect...Go...Now," Pew croaked.

I quickly backed away. Placing myself and the documents into my vessel, a plotted a course for the nearest well lit safe harbor, the parking lot at Bojangles. Glancing over the papers I had been given, I was amazed to find that I had come into possession of the long awaited results of the survey of the members and clergy of the Episcopal Diocese of Upper South Carolina. What did Deep Pew mean by "disconnect?" I am hardly qualified to do a statistical analysis, but as I looked at the survey responses, I wondered if there might be a disconnect between the clergy responses and the responses of the Laity on certain touchy issues. This frightening thought troubled me as I sailed home. Is there a problem here? How can we solve a problem like this? Maybe the clergy will be asking the same question. I could almost hear them singing,

How Do You Solve a Problem Like the Laity?

They arrive at church and bend their knees
Their joints show years of wear
They stagger on their way to Mass
And sometimes miss the stair
Underneath their simple look and blank stare
I even hear them thinking in the nave.

They’re always late for the procession,
And their countenance is dour
They’re always late for meetings
Except for coffee hour.
I hate to have to say it,
But I don't know what to do,
They didn't teach us this in seminary.

I'd like to say a word in their behalf
The Laity makes me laugh.

How do you solve a problem like the Laity?
How do you quiet them and lull them to sleep?
How do you find a word that means the Laity?
The fussbudgets! The congo! The Sheep!

Many a thing we know we'd like to tell them
Many a thing to get them more confused
But how do we make them stay,
And listen to our liberal ways
How do we keep them silent in the pews?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like the Laity?
How do you hold the God fearing in your hand?

When we’re with them we’re confused
Out of focus and bemused,
And we never know exactly where we stand
Adding fire to the fuel
They’re as stubborn as a mule.
They’re darling! They’re conservative! They are lambs!


They’ll outpester any pest,
Focus on the Word and ignore the rest.
They could throw an apostate priest a country mile.
They’re gentle! They are wild!
They’re a riddle! They are mild!
They’re a headache! They are angels!
They’re a trial!

How do you solve a problem like the Laity?
How do you calmly lull them all to sleep?
How do you find a word that means the Laity?
The fussbudgets! The congo! The Sheep!

Many a thing we know we'd like to tell them
Many a thing to get them more confused,
But how do we make them stay
And listen to our liberal ways
How do we keep them silent in the pews?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like the Laity?
How do you hold the God fearing in your hand?

H/t Rodgers and Hammerstein

A DIE-C Acronym

Pre-note: This post was composed before the latest sickening statements came from the new President of the Episcopal Divinity School. I warn you, it is as one commenter said at SF, "sick, sick, SICK, SICK SICK!!!!!" I apologize for merging two apparently disparate threads, but I just cannot, I cannot let it go tonight. For the time being I would ask readers, after they have linked to the above article which I refuse to reprint, for new suggestions for the meaning of the acronym suggested below:




If the Presiding Bishop's plans go through, the Episcopal Church might need to change its name. Once known as ECUSA, then as TEC, I predict we will be called DIE-C or "Decentralized International Episcopal Church." My reasons come from a recent post by Anglicat where she details some of what she learned from the Presiding Bishop of DIE-C's visit to Minnesota.

"During last week's meeting with Minnesota's Episcopal clergy, Presiding Bishop Katharine Schori said she is trying not to use the term 'National Church' any more. She enumerated the offshore members of TEC, including Puerto Rico, Taiwan, Honduras, Ecuador, Haiti, the Dominican Republic, and six countries in Europe. She mentioned the relocation of ministries formerly centered in New York to regional offices around the country, such as Episcopal Migration Ministries to Florida and Ecumenical Affairs, Stewardship, and Ministry in Daily life to Omaha. 'It seemed important to spread staff around the church...to be more present,' Schori explained."

Perhaps there are unmentioned economic reasons to move staff from New York, but could there be political machinations going on as well?

The argument that it is done "to be more present" should put up a warning flag to those communities about to be invaded by dyed in the wool Politburo members. That may be a "presence" you don't want in your back yard.



As a post script I will add my comment to the SF post on the latest insult the Episcopal Church,

Dear Mr. Wormwood,

I started the day off by remembering the martyrs of Lyons. This has inoculated me against your efforts of today. I will not allow the Katherine Ragsdales of the world to distort the meaning of sainthood or martyrdom. Try something else, I am sure that you will.

U.P.

This church is beyond DIE-C meaning "Decentralized International Episcopal Church."

Please join with me in prayer.

Lord have mercy upon us. May the souls in the pews awaken to see the open support of murder of the unborn espoused by their Church, and funded by their money. Lord please help open the ears, minds, hearts, and souls of the future priests of the Church to the cries of Your holy innocents. Lord, we admit our powerlessness in swaying the hardened hearts of those in positions of leadership of Your people. Use Your power to change the hearts of those wearing Your collars of ordination so that they might place their whole trust in You. I pray in the memory of the Blessed Mary who bore You in spite of the shame and scorn and "inconvienience," and grant that I pray in the name of Christ our Lord and Redeemer.

Pent Up Costs

I always loved Peter's proof in Acts of the Apostles 2:12-15,

"All were amazed and perplexed, saying to one another, ‘What does this mean?’ But others sneered and said, ‘They are filled with new wine.’
But Peter, standing with the eleven, raised his voice and addressed them: ‘Men of Judea and all who live in Jerusalem, let this be known to you, and listen to what I say. Indeed, these are not drunk, as you suppose, for it is only nine o’clock in the morning."

1. The fact that he was able to stand proved that he was not falling down drunk.

2. I wonder if he meant for them to "come back later tonight" to see "serious drinking."

Today we at ECOOS had a post Pentecost meeting during which the vestry presented a brief description of the budget YTD. The good news is that heading into the summer months, we are only $500.00 short. The bad news is that attendance usually drops during the summer as does plate income. We were reminded that the budget was trimmed by $100,000 for 2009 because of a decrease in pledge income. A look back at giving trends and average Sunday attendance for the years up to and including 2007 is found here. This shows a steady rise in income despite a flat or declining Sunday attendance. There was also an interesting rise in baptised members during between 2003 and 2007 that does not jive with the Sunday attendance trend.

I don't think the nefarious and rarely attended "Not Another Episcopal Church Blog" has any thing to do with the numbers. After all, this blog started in June of 2006.

Maybe those baptised members are attending Sunday School and skipping the service. I don't think that has changed, but how is Sunday school doing? (More on that later).

Nor do I accept the rationalization that "All the mainstream denominations are in decline." The Word of God is as powerful today as it was for the Apostles at the time of the Pentecost. The "mainstream" Episcopal Church may have some hidden costs that are keeping people from coming in to hear the Word spoken, praised, and worshipped.

The late Dr. Peter Toon in "Episcopal Innovations 1960-2004" points out the changes this particular mainstream church has taken that weaken the Church's position on things such as sin, divorce, atonement, the Person of Christ, even the Holy Trinity. Many of these things lay in the current "Book of Common Prayer" which since 1979 has indoctrinated an entire generation of Sunday worshippers to a more liberal theology. One small example is the more "inclusive" language in the psalter changing the KJV "Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee; in whose heart are the ways of them." to the BCP 1979 "Happy are the people whose strength is in you! whose hearts are set on the pilgrims' way.." (Psalm 84).

Could there also be a cost to the liberal theology we sometimes hear preached such as today's quick reference during the sermon to God as mother?

Could there be a cost to the silence of the congregation when presented with the request to increase their pledge payments? Could there be a cost to the silence in response to the mention that a line of credit from the bank was considered at one point to pay the bills?

Pent up costs accumulate and some day come due with interest, especially to the disinterested.

Stinking Bishop

From Yahoo News

In the "hierarchy" of the mythological Anglican "communion" the question is often asked, "Who's in charge here anyway?" Today, I propose a candidate for the position of "The Big Cheese."

"Stinking Bishop has been officially voted Britain's most pungent cheese in the nation's first ever contest.

Britain's Smelliest Cheese Championships were held at The Royal Bath and West Show in Shepton Mallet, Somerset.

The Stinking Bishop, made by Charles Martell of Martell and Son in Gloucestershire, was described as smelling like a rugby club changing room.

The judging panel included Chris Rundle, a West country food and drink journalist, and Alec Lawless, perfumier and owner of Essentially Me natural perfumes.

The professional judges were joined by a group of junior judges, children aged 10 and 11 from Wells Cathedral School, who were selected for their sensitive noses.

The panel's chairman, Tim Rowcliffe of Antony Rowcliffe speciality cheeses, said: "The cheeses were all fantastically smelly but Stinking Bishop absolutely knocked us out."

Stinking Bishop is washed in a Gloucestershire perry made from a pear variety called Stinking Bishop. The pear was named after a reprobate farmer with an appalling reputation as a drunkard, who famously shot his kettle when it took too long to boil.

Mr Martell said: 'I'm thrilled and surprised to win. I hope more people will get into eating more speciality cheeses because there are so many in Britain - more than in France.'

Mike Pullin, chair of the Dairy Produce Awards and organiser of the championships said: 'This has been a brilliant opportunity to show off the creativity of British cheese-makers. We've also successfully proved that British speciality cheeses can give the French a run for their money.'

I say, put the Stinking Bishop in charge and let anyone who offends the Church have to face him/her in a small enclosed space for a theological stink off.

Please Lord, when you send us a new Bishop, don't send a stinky one!

A Pessimist Manifesto

Pessimists can be difficult to endure, but I have often thought that there was a certain value in pessimism. For instance, when you go to a ball game expecting your team to lose, you are especially thrilled when they win, and you are not terribly disappointed when they lose as predicted. Conversely, the optimist goes to the game and is only mildly satisfied with a victory, but is seriously upset after a loss.

I came across another way of looking at this,

Imagine a set of people all living in the same building. Half of them think it is a hotel, the other half think it is a prison. Those who think it a hotel might regard it as quite intolerable, and those who thought it was a prison might decide that it was really surprisingly comfortable. So that what seems the ugly doctrine is one that comforts and strengthens you in the end. The people who try to hold an optimistic view of this world would become pessimists: the people who hold a pretty stern view of it become optimistic.

C.S. Lewis, “The Christian View of Suffering,” C.S. Lewis: Readings for Meditation and Reflection
(New York: HarperCollins, 1992), pp. 103–104

What he was getting at was two opposing ways of viewing the world. One in which people believe God has placed us in a spot where we are supposed to be happy and having fun all the time (a Hotel), and the other where we look around a see bad things happening, and we believe we are being punished (a prison). He is imagining that the latter position is probably better for us in the end, for the ultimate optimism is the hope for and promise of eternal life.

I personally lean towards a mixture of pessimism and optimism held in balance. Some days, the world seems to be a wonderful place full of hope for the future, and the next day Homo sapiens sapiens seems doomed to eventual self extinction.

Today is an optimistic day for me thanks to a little reading from the Bible that brought out a musical memory,

John 15:11

"These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full."

We Choose to Remember

Today we at ECOOS held a fairly traditional Memorial Day service. I mean, we heard the Collect for Memorial Day, and we did sing "My country tis of Thee..." and the roof did not fall down.

Fr. Foss gave today's sermon. After an unexpected start with the evolution controversy, (because of course we Episcopalians are beyond that)he managed to tie this in with Bishop Duvall's sermon from Thursday. Charlie focused on looking forward rather than backward (backward would be arguing about evolution and the Bible). I thought this tied in with the scripture readings where we are instructed that we shall have eternal life, but I feared we would forget that this is a Memorial Day weekend, and I am still not sure why we should dis the anti-evolution crowd.



I tried to forget last year's sermon, and fortunately Fr. Foss later remembered those who gave their lives for our freedom during the announcements. We also had the church bell to ring following the service in memory of our heroes.



I do have another bone to pick with the lectionary;
Did anyone notice the verses left out by the lectionary for today? Acts 1:18-20,

18 (Now this man acquired a field with the reward of his wickedness; and falling headlong,* he burst open in the middle and all his bowels gushed out. 19 This became known to all the residents of Jerusalem, so that the field was called in their language Hakeldama, that is, Field of Blood.) 20 ‘For it is written in the book of Psalms,
“Let his homestead become desolate,
and let there be no one to live in it”;
and
“Let another take his position of overseer.”

I can only assume they didn't want to spoil any one's breakfast.