March Madness, March Sadness

A picture is worth a thousand words.



Giuseppe Arcimboldo, the original flower child, (1527-1593) "Spring" (1573)

Now that is what I call "Wearing o' the Green."



I guess we all run wild some times. Arcimboldo was not limited to painting broccoli. He did some serious stuff too. Wikipedia presents a photo of this stained glass window in the Milan Cathedral which is attributed to Arcimboldo/Arcimboldi.



Finally, an update on Spring in Rock Hill...

March Sadness: Winthrop 44 - Arkansas Pine Bluff 61

(photo taken 03/14/2010 by U.P.)

The Sinner Magnet

This Sunday we heard a sermon about the parable of the lost son, Luke 15:11-32. Charlie was correct in saying that every time we read this, something new pops up. I appreciate Charlie bringing in the "Twelve Step building" and its use by N.A. and others, and the vital life changing and soul saving that goes on over there. That story fit in well with the parable. Overall, the rector did a pretty good job although, as usual, I have a few minor quibbles with the sermon. For one, there was one little remark about the only time Jesus gets mad is when, and I paraphrase here, people are too "Pharisaical." For another, there was too much emphasis placed on Jesus the law breaker.

When we try to limit Jesus' anger to the Pharisaical, we forget that there was the little episode of overturning the vendors' tables at the temple (Mark 11:15-19, Matthew 21:12-17; Luke 19:45-48; John 2:13-22,. And what about the poor fig tree that withered away in Matthew 21:17-20?

When we go down the path of "Jesus the law breaker" too far, we tend to ignore Jesus the law giver. At the very onset of the parable we are told that the sinners and tax collectors themselves were drawing near to Jesus. Was it magnetism, or did they want to hear his Word, His life changing and soul directing law which He was giving free of charge to all who made the effort to come to Him? I was left wondering, "What parables or words did He tell them?"

An excellent sermon on today's Gospel can be found at A North Woods Anglican. Father Dean A. Einerson starts by describing the two parables that precede the parable of the prodigal son and goes on to quote one possible answer to the question I posed in my second paragraph.

"The parables of the lost sheep and the lost coin are told in this context and they are told to the Pharisees and the scribes. These two parables are told to let the Pharisees and scribes again come to grips with what Jesus is doing. Remember back when Jesus was preaching in his home town at the beginning of his ministry and he read from Isaiah:

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives
and recovery of sight to the blind,
to let the oppressed go free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. (4:18-19)

Here he is indeed proclaiming good news. He is proclaiming release and recovery and freedom. He is proclaiming the year of the Lord’s favor, but he is not doing it at the expense of the Pharisees. He is seeking the one per cent who are lost but God does not forget the ninety-nine who are not lost and so he tells another parable."

Read the whole thing.

And just what was it that those tax collectors and sinners were hearing when they sat and dined with Jesus? Paul gives us a strong hint in today's reading from 2 Corinthians 5:16-21.

"...we entreat you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." v. 20

It is the same call that calls me each time I approach His altar. That act of reconciliation is not a one-way street. It is not something I can ever do by my own power and will. Reconciliation is a deep and complex subject, but I know it is complete through Jesus. That is why I keep coming back for more.

Unstoppable Spring

In these parts, daffodils will usually start blooming in the 3rd week of February. This winter has been colder than usual as evidenced by the second picture below.

February 28, 2010



March 3, 2010



March 9, 2010



In this day and age we think of the yearly cycles of the seasons as the changing position of what we think of as our Earth in its orbit around the sun. My mind spins when I ponder the tilt of Earth's axis and the notion that I am racing along at an orbital velocity of 18½ miles a second.



Forget all that for a few minutes, and on the first spring like day in your neck of the woods, turn off the computer, go outside, sit down, close your eyes, and "rest your head for just five minutes"* to listen to the birds, smell the awakening flora, and thank the LORD for what He has given us.

It is His Earth after all, and He has set it in motion.





Footnote from above:
*Graham Nash, "Our House" 1970 who was quoted in Rolling Stone as saying,

"I was in Joni [Mitchell]'s house in Laurel Canyon ... She was writing her album and we were recording the first Crosby, Stills and Nash record. It was intense being with Joni. The song was written about that house and her."

A Way Out (Of Reading 1 Corinthians)

Today at ECOOS, in place of a sermon, there was a presentation by the youth about an upcoming mission trip to that den of iniquity, Washington D.C. When asked "Why Washington D.C.?," I kept waiting for someone to say "To clean up Congress!" Now that would be a real mission trip. This presentation by the youth was especially convenient because it gave everyone a way out of studying the Epistle for today, 1 Corinthians 10:1-13. This passage might be a test for some liberal minds. Here is the reading, and after you finish, there will be a short quiz.

Warnings from Israel’s History

I do not want you to be unaware, brothers, that our ancestors were all under the cloud, and all passed through the sea, and all were baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea, and all ate the same spiritual food, and all drank the same spiritual drink. For they drank from the spiritual rock that followed them, and the rock was Christ. Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them, and they were struck down in the wilderness.
Now these things occurred as examples for us, so that we might not desire evil as they did. Do not become idolaters as some of them did; as it is written, ‘The people sat down to eat and drink, and they rose up to play.’ We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day. We must not put the LORD to the test, as some of them did, and were destroyed by serpents. And do not complain as some of them did, and were destroyed by the destroyer. These things happened to them to serve as an example, and they were written down to instruct us, on whom the ends of the ages have come. So if you think you are standing, watch out that you do not fall. No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.

Test Questions:

1. Why are all those Bible stories important?

a. Because they are entertaining.
b. Because they help sell Bibles.
c. They are warnings from the past.
d. Some of them make great movies.

2. What does Paul mean when he says our ancestors were all under the cloud?

a. Those ancient people were not as wise as we are.
b. They were in a bad mood, and were mean and nasty people.
c. Exodus 13:21-22
d. My ancestors smoked grass?

3. What does he mean, God was not pleased with most of them?

a. Paul got it wrong, for we know that God always is pleased with us.
b. Maybe a few of them were naughty, but not most.
c. Numbers 11:1-3, Numbers 16:20-35
d. Paul can't speak for God.

4. What is wrong with sitting down to eat and drink and then getting up to play?

a. Nothing.
b. He meant you should not go swimming after eating and drinking.
c. He was quoting Exodus 32:6, and how they engaged in revelry after making a golden calf.
d. You should always ask permission before getting up from the table.

5. What does he mean by, "We must not indulge in sexual immorality?"

a. He was only referring to sex with Moabite women.
b. Paul did not know about committed homosexual relationships.
c. There are moral absolutes contained in the scripture that we should learn.
d. Paul was a prude.

6. Who were those 23,000 that fell?

a. Another old myth.
b. Paul proves the Bible is in error because it was 24,000 in my book.
c. Numbers 25:1-9
d. God didn't do it, it was just a venereal disease that we can cure now.

7. What does he mean when he writes about complaints and the destroyer?

a. He is using threats to turn us into sexually repressed people.
b. He is wrong again. We have every right to complain about these rules.
c. There he refers back to Numbers 11:1 again.
d. This whole test is an injustice, the author should be destroyed.

8. When he says these things are "examples" and "were written down to instruct us," should we listen?

a. No, he was talking to people of his time.
b. No, we have moved beyond this type of instruction.
c. Yes, time after time the people of God forget His Word and suffer the consequences.
d. No, none of this stuff will help me get through college.

9. What does he mean by "the ends of the ages have come?"

a. Another of Paul's mistakes. Proven wrong by the fact that we are here.
b. Another of Paul's mistakes. He should have put "end of the age has come."
c. Death has been conquered, our Saviour has come.
d. Ages have split ends.

10. What is that warning about standing and falling all about?

a. He is hung up on sin.
b. He had seen more falling drunks than standing ones.
c. We are just as sinful as those who were killed in the wilderness.
d. Episcopal calisthenics?

11. What does he mean when he writes about common testing?

a. Always connect the ground wire first.
b. He was wrong because God does not test us.
c. All the temptations you encounter have been encountered before, read your Bible.
d. They had to take SATs back then too.

12. What does he mean by "God won't test you beyond your strength?"

a. If God tests us, then he is an "easy A."
b. I can take Him; Bring Him on!
c. God knows our strengths and weaknesses, He knows that we can pass tests such as those of sexual morality.
d. He knows that I have been using that BowFlex he gave me for Christmas.

13. What does he mean by "he will also provide the way out?"

a. He will give us a passing grade just for showing up.
b. He will look the other way when I cheat.
c. He has given us the way out through Christ's death and resurrection.
d. I can walk away from the test if I don't like it.

Correct answers: "c" to all questions.

Somewhere out there in the blogiverse, there has to be a liberal sermon that was delivered this week on 1 Corinthians during which some priestly type explains how it should be ignored. I suspect that many took the easy way out, and simply walked away from the test without mentioning this Epistle.

That sounds like a test for a search engine.

Now just how do I find my way out of here?

Religagrams (Anagrams)

The problems with anagrams are that,
1. You can get hooked on them, and
2. You are bound to come up with offensive ones.

Of course, any offense is all in the eye of the beholder.

So, if you are easily offended, go no further!

Recently I came across a couple of anagrams that caught my eye. One was,

Episcopal = Pepsi Cola

and the other was,

Presbyterian = Britney Spears

So I went looking around, and I probably went too far. Others from SF

Lambeth indaba = damnable habit.

Lambeth = meth lab


And more from anagrammy,

Various religious anagrams from 1999 by the late Daniel F. Etter (1964 - 2000)


Amish = Am His.

Baptists = It's Pabst!

Pentacostal = Placates not.

Charismatic = Archaic mist.

Speaking in tongues = Not genius speaking.

Gnostic = Costing.

Latter-Day Saints = As sanity rattled.

Discordianism = Is manic, sordid.

Wiccan religion = Calorie wincing.
[Mar 1999]

I plugged some names into Brendan's anagram generator and came up with some for,

Anglican = A Gin Clan.

Evangelical = Galvanic eel, Angelic veal, Legal cave-in, Calvin eagle.

Latter Day Saints = Lady is sent a tart.

Lutherans = Shan't rule, or Learn thus.

Methodist = I'd test Ohm.

Unitarianism = Arianism unit, A martini in us, In sanitarium.

Roman Catholic = A Catholic Norm, or A harmonic clot.

Greek Orthodox = God he Rex... OK rot.

Buddhism = Dumb dish.

Muslim = *'# $%@# (A Fatwa might be issued on the Anagram generator).

Religagram = Seagram Girl.

UndergroundPewster = Pew rest run under God.

I warned you!

Missing Visions

As I long for the end of this long, cold winter, and as I endeavor to hold to the Lord's Lenten disciplines, the Lord sometimes sees fit to throw me a bone.

(Mo, today)

Today was one of those days. The morning began with an increasing volume of birdsong to reveal a beautiful late winter day under a Carolina blue sky. Visions of spring time were dancing through my head. The neighbors reported the robin redbreast, a sure sign of spring, had appeared (although this one has been pecking at the door to get out of the cold). The daffodils are coming up., They are late but are getting closer to blooming:

(Photo taken today).

Even our church service provided some hope, some promise that we will get through the tough times. Our sermon today was relatively straight forward with the rector focusing on the "vision" of Abram and the fire pot and the faith of Abram. We wandered a bit and somehow got into the story of the prodigal son, but the rector was still able to finish up in reasonable time. Of course it helped that he did not mention anything about Philippians 3:17-4:1, so I will recall it here because this beautiful day had me fixated on earthly things.

Brothers and sisters*,(Brothers) join in imitating me, and observe those who live according to the example you have in us. For many live as enemies of the cross of Christ; I have often told you of them, and now I tell you even with tears. Their end is destruction; their god is the belly; and their glory is in their shame; their minds are set on earthly things. But our citizenship* is in heaven, and it is from there that we are expecting a Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ. He will transform the body of our humiliation* so that it may be conformed to the body of his glory,* by the power that also enables him to make all things subject to himself. Therefore, my brothers and sisters,*(Brothers) whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, my beloved.

I guess I have been yearning too much for the vision of spring that I needed to be drawn back into focus and to look forward to the transformation promised by Jesus.

Before leaving, I cannot miss an opportunity to flesh out the missing verses from today's readings.

Genesis 15:1-12,17-18

Wedged between verse 12,

As the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram, and a deep and terrifying darkness descended upon him.

and verse 17,

When the sun had gone down and it was dark, a smoking fire-pot and a flaming torch passed between these pieces. On that day the Lord made a covenant with Abram, saying, ‘To your descendants I give this land, from the river of Egypt to the great river, the river Euphrates,

The Lectionary expurgated Genesis 15:13-16:

Then the Lord said to Abram, ‘Know this for certain, that your offspring shall be aliens in a land that is not theirs, and shall be slaves there, and they shall be oppressed for four hundred years; but I will bring judgement on the nation that they serve, and afterwards they shall come out with great possessions. As for yourself, you shall go to your ancestors in peace; you shall be buried in a good old age. And they shall come back here in the fourth generation; for the iniquity of the Amorites is not yet complete.'

Faith and hope abounded in today's service, but the promise comes with a price.
Perhaps the lectionary committee did not want to throw any earthly dirt on today's visions. Or maybe they just did not want to offend any remaining worshippers of Amurru.

Episcopal Olympics

NBC paid $2.201 billion for the rights to broadcast the 2010 winter and 2012 summer Olympic Games, but reviewers are already talking about a drop of 13% in the viewer ratings for this winter's games. In the following blog post, I will present some additional games for NBC to broadcast in its last ditch efforts to boost their ratings. I call these the "Episcopal Olympics." The addition of these events just might increase viewership about 1000, which is about the average number of visits to this blog each week.

1. Alpine skiing:

Of several events, the one that Episcopalians really excel in is the Downhill. Witness the decline in church attendance over the past several decades. In addition to the Downhill, there is the popular Giant Slalom event where monstrous issues are dodged and avoided during the downhill run. Another event is the Slalom, also known as the "downhill spiral of death" where falling numbers result in a spectacle of ineffectual flailing of arms and the jettisoning of small clinging congregations during the plunge to the finish line.

2. Biathlon:

This includes a relay, a sprint, a pursuit, a mass start, and an individual event. Ordinarily, such events have been segregated into "Mens" and "Womens" divisions, but due to the recognition of gender identities, this year's games have dedicated the entire event to bisexuals. Fans are eagerly anticipating the "pursuit" event. Due to overwhelming demand for tickets there has been a change of venue and this event will be held at one of Whistler's local establishments.

3. Bobsled:

Teams of two or four persons clutch themselves or each other and cram their souls into hard shells of apostasy before pushing off to race down the slippery slope of doom. One person guides the bobsled while the other member(s) of the team close their eyes, bow their heads, and pray.

4. Cross-country skiing:

The Presiding bishop will attempt to cross her entire realm while putting out fires that threaten her icy reign. This eight year endurance race is one that most will only enjoy by watching the finish.

5. Curling:

Large, threatening stones are slid at a certain southern Bishop who tries to sweep them aside before he is knocked off the bull's eye.

6. Figure skating:

Money that is sent to the national church is artfully danced around a budget spreadsheet and after many exciting spins and jumps winds up in the pockets of D.C. lobbyists to espouse for various liberal causes.

7. Freestyle skiing:

Unbounded by scripture and tradition, watch liberal rectors jump through amazing hoops to out spin each other's revisionist sermons.

8. Ice hockey:

Where opposing teams swat General Convention resolutions across a table towards a goal. Called off this year because the only other team, the conservative team, decided to not compete and left an empty net into which the reigning champs could shoot their hockey puck resolutions.

9. Luge:

In this race, contenders from various dioceses vie to see who is the fastest downhill. Top contenders are the Diocese of Newark, and the down and going Diocese of Upper Michigan.

10. Nordic combined:

This event has been conceded to the Church of Sweden which has already concluded that two same sex Nordics can be combined.

11. Speed skating:

Also known as running with sharp knives, contestants slice through scripture and try to to avoid getting tripped up by annoying verses.

12. Skeleton:

Rump dioceses compete to see which will take the prize as the fastest to petition the courts for empty church buildings.

13. Ski jumping:

Why ski over all that snow or slide down all that ice when you can jump over the whole thing? Episcopal bishops fly to see who will be the first to perform same sex weddings, jumping over the entire Anglican Communion and the Archbishop of Canterbury, only to find that +Gene Robinson is already perched on the winner's podium.

14. Snowboarding:

Heretical sermons disguised in Episcobabble are preached to innocent prisoners held captive in a church pew. Possible topics for these "snow jobs" might include, "Diversity," "Holy Love," "Justice," and "Identity." Due to its excessively cruel nature, this sport has been banned by the Geneva Convention.

On second thought, NBC probably would do better to show reruns of Gilligan's Island than to broadcast the Episcopal Olympics.